Tag: music

Resolving the Chord

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In (tonal–I should be specific since I’m not an expert) music theory, there is a home chord that sets the basis for the piece/movement in a particular key. This is where things are stable, at rest. The music needs to have tension to be interesting, but the resolution back to that home chord gives a sense of release and relief. The complexity of this dynamic gives music drama, intrigue, a reason to listen. Am I painting with a very broad, novice’s brush, yes, yes I am. That’s okay, it’s my blog and I’ll write how I want to.

Life is less like a 3-minute rock song with obvious chord progressions and resolutions–tension followed by relief–and more like a jazz jam session with amateurs. We have an idea of what’s going on, we may know some of the chords, but we’re kind of doing our own solo hoping for the best, and sometimes it sounds great and sometimes it sounds like hell.

We don’t always get the relief of the chord resolution. What happens next? Is the problem fixed? What do they think of me? What did I do wrong? Will the villain get punished? Will the aggrieved get justice? Do the good guys win in the end? Bryan often used to say that “we’re not in control of the outcome.” I think of that so often and he was right. We’re not. We do our best. We play the notes we know as well as we can and then hope things turn out. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. And sometimes, we don’t get to know the outcome at all. It doesn’t make the longing for resolution go away, but with time and wisdom, perhaps we can let it go and just enjoy the music for what it is. Maybe we find our own home chord and go back there when the tension is too high–nature, prayer, communing with friends, creation, gratitude. Those are my home chords. What are yours?

Gratitude Challenge Day 15 & 16: Music and Food

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Last night, with every intention of writing my Day 15 blog post, I fell asleep early and hard due to some pretty hardcore gummies–10mg of melatonin and some magnesium. WHOA! Don’t be making plans after that heavy-hitting dose! So, as penance, I’m going to have to write a two-fer on probably some of my most favorite things–things that bring me tremendous joy and fill me with gratitude. Let’s start with music and then segue into food. You with me? Ready? Let’s go!

I think I have a low-grade, constant struggle with mild depression. There’s any number of really good reasons for that *waves arms around wildly*. Genetics, probably first and foremost. But living on planet earth is no easy feat if you have two working brain cells and a heart and that’s on the days when children aren’t being shot or thrown in cages. Suicide rates among veterans and queer kids alone are enough to shake a person to their core. This living thing is HARD. (Okay, Bec, get to the gratitude part. I’m working on it. Gimme a second.)

On really hard days, I listen to Bach. If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it. Amirite? This particular playlist is one of my favorites: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zHXX9J_n5E

I like to read about artists and what influences their work. I know literature professors of mine would say “let the work speak for itself,” but since I am an artist and a writer, I know my art isn’t separate from me. It is me. In that spirit, I like to learn. Johann Sebastian Bach was orphaned at the age of 10. He lost several of his children before they turned one. He had every reason to be sad, bitter, lost. And yet, we have this most gorgeous, joyful music for centuries. I feel like there’s this kinship with him in that yes I can have a broken heart and still cry for joy, too. And do. A lot. On his deathbed, he’s attributed as having these as his last words: “Don’t cry for me, for I go where music was born.” The best, most succinct apologia for heaven I’ve ever read.

On a biological level, by listening to music you enjoy you can decrease your heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels while increasing seratonin and endorphins, your body’s own feel-good drugs. In a world that hurts every day, it’s critical to have all the possible tools in your toolbelt. Music is one of mine.

The other is cooking good food for those I love. I enjoy experiencing new flavors and experimenting with recipes. But what fills my heart is cooking or baking something that makes someone close their eyes and get a serene look on their face for just a moment. It’s a way to say I love you, we’re in this together, here, have a moment of joy. I’m grateful for meals shared. Conversation over a well-spun pizza crust or a roast dinner can be so vibrant and fun and rich. Time with people at table is the essence of what is good. And I’m also grateful to live in a place where we grow amazing food and share. It’s no wonder some of my favorite books and films are about the experience of cooking, eating, sharing meals. MFK Fisher’s The Gastronomical Me, the film Babette’s Feast, the Spanish mini-series The Cook of Castamar, Like Water for Chocolate (either the film or the novel), Chocolat (I preferred the novel to the film). The kitchen dance Bryan and I used to do when preparing meals for each other and friends still makes me smile. I’m grateful for all of it, even a simple omelette when nothing else will do.

Music Round-Up

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There are times when I don’t want to write all the things. Some things aren’t that interesting. Others are FAR TOO interesting and private. And sometimes I’m mid-story so I don’t want to write and affect the ending. What to do in such a place? Share some music that I’ve been introduced or reintroduced to because I like it and it’s fun. YMMV

Amy Winehouse did a cover and popularized the song “Valerie” by the Zutons. Frankly, I like just about every version I’ve heard. I think the Zutons win it and theirs is best, but dude, add a banjo and a violin and I’m IN! Please enjoy this “Valerie” cover by The Brothers Comatose.

I love folk music. Maybe it’s my low-key concession to liking country music without saying I’m a country music fan, but I’ll be honest, a man and a his guitar are going to hit me right in the solar plexus every damned time (well, that’s not the only place, but lets keep it family-friendly). This one has been in frequent rotation this summer and continues this fall.

This next one is an anthem to anyone who has had their heart broken and risen from that pain. I like it. A lot. It doesn’t match my story, but it mirrors those of many people I care about–some who are on the other side of that dark place and others who are currently walking the valley, of the shadow of divorce. Let’s be clear, the young man singing is a cutie pie, too.

Now to change it up a little from the sublime to the ridiculous and sublime. My nephew who is in his early thirties recommends cool stuff to me all the time. He’s been doing that his whole adulthood. If he recommends a song or a tv program, I pay attention because his tastes and his recommendations have a batting average over 900. “Hey Aunt Becci, I think you’d like Chappell Roan. Check out “Pink Pony Club.” I like it. I like it very much. For your listening/viewing enjoyment…

Finally, I’ve been reacquainting myself with Hozier the past few months. My friend, Heather, shared this one with me a while back and it got me listening to all of his music on steady rotation. His voice is haunting and sexy at the same time–the perfect thing for October in particular.

What have you been listening to lately?

In Repair

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When I was in the French grad program at Ohio University, my good friend, Amy, loved and listened to John Mayer a lot. She went to his concerts and was a vocal fan. Aside from “Your Body is a Wonderland” (because who wouldn’t want a troubadour with a guitar serenading that?!?!), I really didn’t get the appeal. Until now. I can fully admit I am embracing John Mayer fandom. His music, in this particular season of my life is hitting hard and I love it.

I didn’t write or post anything about Father’s  Day this year. Instead, I went a quieter more somber route. I have been mulling things over, particularly this song https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rZLbUIa7exE&pp=ygUsZmF0aGVycyBiZSBnb29kIHRvIHlvdXIgZGF1Z2h0ZXJzIGpvaG4gbWF5ZXI%3D as it relates to my dad and me. You see, my dad was magic—straight charisma, charm, and humor. To bask in his sunlight was everything. But he could turn it off like a switch, perhaps as a defense mechanism for his own tender heart and insecurities. His humor danced a razor’s edge of warm teasing to mocking cudgel. In my 20s, more than once or twice, I found myself drawn to men who had similar tendencies and to be near that magic, that sunlight was enough, for a while, enough to tolerate poor behavior, enough to offer far more than I received. These are easy patterns for me to fall into because they’re so familiar.

Remarkably, however, I did not marry a man like my father. Oh sure, Bryan was charming and charismatic, but I never had the fear of him turning that off. And instead of just shining his light, he sought mine and encouraged me in every way he knew to make my light shine brighter. As the lyrics go, “daughters will love like you do.” I see the way Mary loves her friends, family, work, community in like manner to her dad.

I’m not trying to be hurtful to my dad’s memory. He had moments of great introspection and growth. He worked very hard to be a better dad than his own father and succeeded. And he could say I am sorry and did. Nevertheless, the legacy of father-daughter relationships and their effects echo in the hall. I think wanting to be close to that light and feel warmed by it because it feels good is why I am drawn to larger-than-life, charismatic men and have had a history of subsuming my own interests and pride just to be near the light. It is so good to reflect on that and to remember how Bryan sought my light. I think the ending of this song brings those ideas to bear in a really beautiful way. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBex8zbDRs&pp=ygUSam9obiBtYXllciBncmF2aXR5

Finally, when I told my good friend, Amy about my John Mayer late-bloomer discovery, she encouraged me to listen to “In Repair” suggesting it might be an anthem for where I’m at. If you can, go find the lyrics. They’re absolutely spot on. I’m in repair from the consequences of grief and bereavement. I’m in repair in many other ways. My friend, N, calls it “doing the work.” It’s important to recognize what has brought us to this point, extend grace, but acknowledge one’s own responsibility to grow, change, and heal. I am “In Repair” and I’m just fine with that. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq8SBDv7Wn4&pp=ygUUaW4gcmVwYWlyIGpvaG4gbWF5ZXI%3D

“…and a time to dance…”

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There’s a passage in Ecclesiastes I’m particularly fond of. It appeals to both my Adventist upbringing and my unintended pagan tendencies. Seasons mark our calendars and our lives, each one in its own time. There truly is a time for everything–“a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…”

Last night was absolutely a time to dance and I experienced a really interesting first–baby’s first rave. Yes, even here in itty bitty Wally World there are raves. Rave culture is a fascinating subculture with glow-in-the-dark bracelets and glitter and heavy bass and so much dancing. There are definitely those who participate in “supplements,” as a good buddy of mine described, in order to lower inhibitions and enhance other sensations, but honestly, for me, plenty of water, spirit, and enthusiasm and I was good to go. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. It is an incredibly vulnerable thing to allow oneself to lay things down for a moment long enough to play, just be, and to get temporarily lost in a chest-vibrating-bass beat.

It certainly didn’t hurt to have the coolest gay guy in the place pay my dancing and exuberance high compliments. And even more fun to go with a friend who made the experience for this stranger in a strange land to be welcomed and included in such a hospitable way. I will go again because what absolute fun. But I’ll probably wait until my left hip heals a little first. Ha!