La Rochefoucauld was a lot of fun to study in college. His maxims were short (suck it Proust) and great springboards for discussion. One that I have tried to take to heart personally is “Le refus de louanges est le désir d’être loué deux fois.” (The refusal of praise is a desire to be praised twice.) With that in mind, I try simply to say thank you–motivated by a desire to get past my own awkwardness. This clip from Wayne’s World (while not exactly about compliments) demonstrates what I mean. And for the record, I’m Garth in this scenario: https://youtu.be/8MLiHp2LH48?si=YYQiq2L1rVj4UF04
It’s sometimes difficult to hear something that doesn’t match what our internal critic says about us. Instead we can react negatively to what the one complimenting has offered up. Oh, that can’t possibly be true because this awful bully inside me says you’re wrong. I had never considered before, until recently, that a refusal of a compliment is also an invalidation of the speaker’s feelings. Wow. So not only has my internal critic been hurting me, now it seeks to hurt others. Rude.
Let’s be clear, though. I’m talking about sincere compliments from the heart. Pat phrases and compliments given in an effort to curry favor or to be part of some sort of cheesy pick-up can be disregarded. Usually, it’s pretty easy to tell which are which. But sincere, kind, gifts of the heart should be treated accordingly and I need to remember that.
Feryl Files 