Shut Off Valve

Recently, my kiddo has had some work done on her house–primarily a new range and hood install with some other elements to make the kitchen a better functioning, more beautiful space. I can’t wait to see it. The photos so far have been pretty great. The sound of excitement in her voice even more so. While she’s been walking me through the process, telling me of the different stages, she’s reminded me of safety measures that have to take place. The electricity in that section of the house has to be turned off while new lights and their respective boxes are installed, there has to be testing and sign-off on plumbing and whatnot, a shut-off valve installed, the whole she-bang. Of course these most tangible and essential components have me thinking in terms of metaphor, too.

Yesterday was a really hard day for me. Maybe others feel that same way around this time, the shortest day/longest night. The collision of grief and cheer–the dissonance and discomfort those can sometimes cause when in concert–can be exhausting. I got up and had my coffee and sat under my full-spectrum lamp. I went to the gym and cried while lifting weights. I do that sometimes. I try not to so others don’t feel uncomfortable and sometimes I can’t help it. I’m a tender nugget often under a barrage from a firehose of feelings and they sometimes come out of my eyes. Whadyagonnado? I came home and took a nap, curled up next to a purring, geriatric kitty. After a shower and some lunch, Mill Creek, even in the rain and fog and cold called. I came home and took a hot bath, then curled up with the kitty again for another nap afterward. Determined to go to a solstice party I’d been invited to, I got dressed and pushed myself out the door forcing myself to be a little social. When I got home it was time for a second bath. Some days are like that; yesterday was.

I wish I had an emotional shut-off valve. I really do. The onslaught is wearying. Nevertheless, I’m proud of myself for taking measures that would help and not succumbing to the fetal position all day like I really wanted to.

I know it’s a flawed test, but I think even flawed things can be good springboards for conversation and ideas. According to my Meyers-Briggs type, I’m an INFP. This means I get to live with the emotional firehose sans shut-off valve whether I like it or not. There are lots of upsides too and I’m learning to value all of it even if some days are two naps, two baths days. https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality