Today has been a really hard day. I have been so sad. I’ve not slept well all week so the filters are especially thin. My heart is bruised and battered; last night I woke myself up sobbing on a wet pillow. I dreamed of losing Bryan all over again. What does that have to do with being grateful about “home,” Becci? I’ll tell you.
Creating this home with Bryan, this comforting feeling of welcome, was something we worked at deliberately. It’s what made the pandemic bearable for us. It’s what makes folks enjoy their time here and cause them to delay their departure. It’s what made me do whatever was in my power to keep Bryan home and safe while he was sick, surrounded by the familiar, warm, and restful.
It’s also the place where I find refuge when my heart breaks over and over again. I’m thankful for home for all the beautiful memories and for the solace it offers when the painful memories come up too.
I may take a second bath today. It might just be one of those days again. I’m so thankful I can in this home we created.
Feryl Files 
I’m glad you created a home that can now be a refuge for you. I was reading FB memories yesterday & came across a post that Bryan had commented on (thoughtfully, as usual). I felt like I was usually too “fluffy” for his notice so I was extra honored. Made me sad and made me smile.
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