What do you say to that?

I have a very public-facing job, the kind where I put mascara on every day and use manners and try not to say curse-y words quite as much. I’m pretty good at the mascara thing, intermittently good at the manners, and pretty much a failure at the curse-y words. Nevertheless, I make an effort to be friendly, personable, engaging, professional, and kind. But also funny. Can’t leave the funny on the front porch when I head in to the office. That would be criminal.

I really hope to have the spirit of MariAnne Moore and Atticus Finch when I chat with folks walking into our office–I want to have tons of empathy and imagine walking a mile in their shoes. I think that’s important no matter what the job but in this one particularly so. Regardless, there are those moments when I don’t live up to my mama’s example and I get judgy and unkind in my heart. Last Friday, a gal came into the office to drop off paperwork. As I was making sure I had all I needed and that she got her necessary copies, she asked me what I thought was a really peculiar question: “Do you like how you do your hair?” Well, I thought I had given it some nice attention with the roller brush and blow dryer that morning. I do have to weigh time constraints, the raw materials, and the overall effect I’m shooting for. Nothing’s perfect, but I think Orlando does an exceptionally good job with the cut and I do okay with what I’ve got. Flummoxed, I tried to communicate that, when she cut me off to clarify her question. Not the styling. The color. Because, well, I don’t.

You see, she had very definitely made a concerted effort to dye her own hair with precision and mindfulness. I explained that frankly I can’t be bothered. And I can’t. It is what it is and I’m not the kind of girlie girl to do maintenance like that. I dread the prospect. I have enough to worry about than to add roots showing through. Yuck. So while I was sort of taken aback and mabye a little insulted at the time, I have to appreciate the candor of someone asking the blunt questions. Most of the time, social graces constrain us not to ask what we’re really thinking, but maybe I’m kind of glad she did. Maybe someone who didn’t conform to an idea she held was radical enough for her to remark upon it.

When it comes to things like this, I don’t think there’s one right way or answer. People I love have determined they’re going to dye their hair until the very end. Others do a graceful transition with highlights and overall lightening. Whatever you decide, if you’re doing it because you WANT to and not because you feel like you SHOULD, I applaud it. I also appreciate the reminders about communication. Sometimes the things we think we’re asking and what is heard are not the same. Grace. Grace to others. Grace to ourselves. Sprinkle that like the salt and pepper in my hair.