Fridays

For a while now, I try to reflect on something good during the week and invite folks to join me. I’ve actually thought about this one for a while and I wasn’t sure how to articulate it, but I’m going to give it a go.

Last fall, when Bryan was diagnosed with grade IV glioblastoma, one tumor the size of a baseball exploding into a star and a smaller one about the size of a marble, I started a CaringBridge account. My motive was to let folks know what was going on in a way that was respectful of our family’s privacy while also keeping those who loved Bryan, Mary, and me updated. I often shared that writing on FB so that as many people who wanted to read it could.

Facebook has this handy little button that I have mostly enjoyed and sometimes dreaded. It’s the “Memories” button with the little clock next to it. I like seeing cat photos from years ago, reminiscing about Lubbers family adventures, admiring my baking and art exploits, and laughing at my political harrangues. What I did not want to relive was seeing those posts. I have not gone back to read them in a long time and I’m not sure I will want to. I was afraid Facebook was going to force the issue in the memories option. Lo and behold, they have not. I have not sought out why. I am simply relieved, having a little extra space for a breath or two.

The body and the brain hold enough memory for right now that I don’t have to relive every second of what we went through. With time, I’ll be able to focus on the most beautiful of moments, but the constant reminders of all the pain would be too much. Way too much. So I’m really grateful, that’s not happening.