Steps

Over the course of the past week, I’ve been doing a lot of rearranging in this house. So much so, that I’ve managed to walk a couple miles per day going from room to room. Yes, a person can get their steps just doing chores and moving furniture. (What a workout!)

These literal and figurative steps have been really good. Don’t get me wrong, I cry a lot. A lot. The smell of his clothes. The touch of his favorite ski suit. The love notes I snuck into his ski bag so he would think of me on long trips. What to keep? What to donate? What to think about later? These are part of those steps.

The garden was my first step for me. And it has sustained me all these months. Fall is here and “winter is coming.” It is natural to begin to turn inward, into the house, into thoughts of steps to come. The notion of steps is really comforting. I don’t have to have it all figured out. Mary and I don’t have to do EVERYTHING all at once. We can take our time in a way that is appropriate and meaningful for us. Steps. Sometimes they’re baby steps. (“Baby steps, Bob.”) And sometimes they’re full-length strides.

I’m so grateful that we don’t have to walk alone. My heart is so full of the love, support, and caring we’ve gotten. I could not have done this alone. I could not have done it without Mary. I could not have done it without my family of blood and choice, my friends, my community.