Hedgehog Days

Yesterday was a hedgehog day. What is a hedgehog day? Let me explain.

Hedgehogs curl into balls with all their spines poking outwards when threatened. No, I didn’t have some existential threat yesterday, but the giant emotional grief sneaker wave hit. I think curling into a ball with the spines poking outwards is more protection for others from me than protecting me.

I have had some really good days and weeks lately. Sunshine, walks, time in the garden have all been part of that. When days like yesterday happen, I question everything. Was I lured into a false sense of security? Were those happier days real? I ultimately conclude yes. And there will be more of those. There will also be more hedgehog days. This is the way of grief.

Last night I looked like I had been punched in the face. Maybe I was–punched in the face by sorrow. Today, I’m exhausted. But I’m painting, listening to music, walking in my flowers, trying to communicate my love and affection with those dear to me.

I read a little about hedgehogs yesterday and this part in particular made me smile: “Hedgehogs are fairly vocal and communicate through a combination of grunts, snuffles and/or squeals, depending on species.” Same, buddy, same.