Raw

Grief and sorrow rip away all the illusions of oneself. You’re flayed open, vulnerable, and naked. Clawing through this phase of things is trying to attempt creation or reinvention when every fiber wants to cling to the person I was with him. It’s painful in so many ways.

I try really hard to find the joy and positives, but hot damn this sucks. My heart hurts every day. Every day. And I don’t see it letting up for a long time. I’m sure part of this emotional rollercoaster is the let down after having such a full weekend and lots of company for Bryan’s celebration–so many high moments, so much love. My logical brain gets that. My logical brain gets a lot more than I give it credit for, but my heart. My heart. Oh God, my heart.