When I was a kid and my parents were in the midst of their divorce I’d get knots in my back and my skin would develop little itchy patches. In a high school PE class, I overextended my knee. Now, anytime rain is imminent, I feel it coming. Several years ago, I was on a drive to Portland with Bryan and I was twisting wire into hoops for my jewelry business. That repetitive action gave me a pretty wicked case of tendinitis in my right arm that flares up under stress. Our bodies are like those old wax cylinder records that have the recordings of our life’s experiences etched in the grooves of our cells. Grief plays those records loudly.
Instead of a to do list for Sunday, I have a gant chart and my body rebels. Sleep eludes. The tendinitis is screaming. The knots in my back seem to multiply like tribbles. Fortunately, I have a massage scheduled. I’ve been putting CBD ointment on my arm like it’s my parttime job. I take naps. Or naps take me. The jury is still out on that one. I am not ashamed to take two baths and a shower in a day for the water therapy. All this to say that the waves crash, but I’m still paddling like I mean it.
In times past, the best way to manage stress and anxiety were Bryan hugs throughout the day. That’s the one treatment I long for most.
Feryl Files 
You’re so right about the body holding stress, grief, anxiety… A massage sounds good. A hug also sounds good. I wish I was there to give you one (although of course it’s not at all the same as one you’d get from Bryan).
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I love that idea, that naps take us! That is so perfectly true. I’m glad you aren’t resisting too hard when a nap wants to take you; sleep is a lovely escape.
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Here is the deal. None of us can do this hard work that is moving in and through grief for those that are in it. I’ve seen people avoid it, try to skip over it, pretend it isn’t there. Those seem to be the folks that suffer the worst and the most. My dear friend, I see you doing the very hard, deep work that is grief. You are doing one of the toughest things on earth right now. You have my utmost love and awe for how you are moving in it. All my love today.
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