2018 was a very full, busy, momentous year. Bryan, Mary, and I went to Hawaii in the winter. Bryan and I met up with friends in Paris in late Spring and then visited my French host family just outside of Tours. I also made the heavy decision to close my little boutique gift shop, Shop Eleven. And in the fall, my dad, with whom I’d been estranged for a few years reached out to ask me to come see him in Bend, Oregon, which I did without hesitation.
My Daddy loved his babies, me included, but I think our transitions to adulthood and independence were hard on him in every case and it manifested in not always the most pleasant outcomes (I like frosted over euphemisms, too, Mom). A big source of the heartache was my relationship with Bryan. I had chosen a much older man. And in early days, Bryan had a conflicting schedule and couldn’t meet with my Dad when he’d come out from Ohio to visit. Bryan thought there would be ample opportunity and Dad felt it was a snub. Lack of communication and hurt feelings all around grew and grew. And Dad often leaned on anger, the secondary emotion, when hurt was the primary one. With a lot of encouragement from others, Dad ended up calling me to help resolve what had been way too long of a time apart. It was a good visit. It was a healing visit. I’m so thankful to every person who helped make that possible. You know who you are…
At the end of that weekend, driving back to Walla Walla from Bend in our old Camry, I decided to make a pit stop at the Bi-Mart in Redmond. What should I see when I stopped? All kinds of bulbs for sale–daffodils and tulips primarily caught my attention. I felt the strongest compulsion to buy tons and so I did. Bringing home a full heart and a full car.
Bryan, delighted by the visit and gracious in my fall planting exuberance helped me plant all those bulbs. The squirrels have gotten most of the daffodils, but the tulips have been a source of joy and healing ever since.
The following spring, April 4, 2019, my daddy passed away. And the tulips were in full bloom. Every anniversary of that date afterward, I think of that fall 2018 visit and what it has meant to my heart and my healing and that the tulips come just when I need them most.
Feryl Files 