Tag: adventure

Breathe

ferylfiles

We’re not supposed to breathe under water. We don’t have gills. We crawled out onto land ages ago and really are only meant to visit on top in boats or swimming. But, I’m a little bit stubborn and don’t like being told what to do, so I picked one of the most challenging activities I could think of to thumb my nose at another “should.”

I had signed up initially to take a February class and do the checkout dives near the end of that month. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite ready so I was invited to retake the class. Boy am I glad I did because I had a couple of patient instructors who firmly but kindly pushed me to be successful.

The four checkout dives occurred this past weekend–two on Saturday and two on Sunday. In order to be considered for certification, each student had to meet benchmarks and demonstrate safety skills in the open water, much as we had done in the pool. No one can explain to you what it feels like to be covered head to toe with gear–boots, wetsuit, bc unit, tank, weights hood–and then slog to the stairs leading down to the water. It’s heavy dry. It’s even heavier climbing out of the water, up the steps, and back up a tiny incline to the parking lot–the soggiest backpack ever.

On each dive we had to demonstrate skills like controlled descents and ascents, neutral buoyancy, full mask removal and replacement, stationary shared air, shared air ascent…these are the main ones I can think of, don’t worry there was a specific checklist and it got signed off on by the instructors. Scuba is a mental game. I’m still breathing. I’m still breathing. I’m breathing so I’m okay. Breathing. Just breathe. And the next thing you know, THERE’S A STARFISH! Sea cucumbers, crabs, anemones, and we even got to see the tiniest little nudibranch (looked like a fuzzy caterpiller).

I can’t tell you the number of times in this process, I thought I wanted to quit. I don’t want to do this. It’s crazy. Who would want to do this. But then I’d think, well maybe I’ll quit after class is over. Or maybe after this dive. But little successes build. They build confidence and momentum and a skillset even. So there I was on the fourth dive, swimming along with my dive buddy, giving the okay sign frequently and absorbing all the wonder of this new-to-me environment.

Once that last dive was over, I was euphoric. High even. It wasn’t just pride over achievement, although that was definitely part of it. It wasn’t just relief at being done, because I’ll be honest this was a tough road and I’m tired, and it was part of it too. But the overwhelming sense of WONDER blew me away. I got to visit another world and be out of the ugliness of this one for 29 minutes at 49 feet. Breathing steadily, holding the hand of my dive buddy, assured that my instructor had my back.

We all have to do hard things life throws at us whether we like it or not. And we do them maybe with grace, maybe loudly complaining, maybe not altogether elegantly, but we do them. Sometimes, however, we get to choose the hard thing and triumph so that it becomes a less hard thing. Then it turns into a cool thing and eventually into a fun thing.

[If you get anything special out of my writing and would care to, you’re welcome to leave a tip in my virtual tip jar here: https://venmo.com/u/FerylGal_1 ]

Touch Grass

ferylfiles

This is a phrase that’s been bandied about the house over the past couple of months, lovingly, even if a little pointedly. (laugh with me) Every part of our lives seems to have some digitization, online presence, or app. I find it annoying, jarring, and addictive. It’s not great. And a lot of it, while feeling very real, vanishes into to vapor really quickly. Texts, emails, IM messages, all give the sense of connection and in many ways they do if there’s already an established relationship, but the bandwidth is narrow and it’s not a replacement for in-the-world activities and interactions. With that in mind, my nephew has encouraged me in this new year to get involved in activities. “Touch grass, Aunt Becci.” He was specific. “Don’t just do activities you already like with people you already know–branch out.” So I took his advice.

I decided to schedule scuba classes during the month of February. This month is a difficult one because it’s the anniversary of Bryan passing. (Three years hardly seems possible.) Why not choose an activity that scares me and seems really difficult both physically and mentally? The first day in the pool, I almost got out and left. Swimming has been a part of my life since I was a kid. I learned from older siblings, I spent nearly every summer from the time I was nine until I was 16 in a pool. Ohio University offered a variety of swimming, diving, and aqua aerobics PE classes and I took every one while attending undergrad. But I’d only been snorkeling once when I was eleven. I don’t swim with a mask, or snorkel, or fins. My breathing became rushed and panicked. The instructors have been endlessly patient with me. Once I practiced with my mask and snorkel, practicing with the regulator and BC device came next. Swimming is about being fast and strong. Scuba is about being deliberate, calm, slow, and methodical. It’s counter-intuitive to my body’s muscle memory which I’m paintstakingly retraining for this new skill.

Being present. Being calm. Just breathing. Slow. Steady. Focused. Relaxed. All of this is the essential while also carrying a buoyancy vest with weights, an air tank, the regulator, the back-up, the gauge, and the inflator hose. Scuba is physics, anatomy and physiology, marine biology, psychology, and philosophy. It’s a lot to pack into one month and I’ll admit, I’m disappointed I’m not ready to take my test yet, but I’m incredibly proud that in every class, I’ve progressed and learned. I’ve touched grass. More classes are on the horizon, but I’m glad for more practice at developing the muscle memory. And maybe it’ll be just a little bit warmer when I do my open water dives.

Beyond the physical and mental challenges, I’ve had the opportunity to meet several kind, patient, professional, interesting instructors who have helped me go from nearly walking away to increasing confidence and competence. I’m also one of four students and the only woman. The guys have been kind and supportive. Two will be taking their open water dives this weekend and I’m eager to learn of what I’m sure will be their rousing success. And I know the other student who is just a little behind like me will keep after it, too. I’m not sure I will be a regular scuba diver, but I would like to be able travel to warmer places that have colorful sea life and get to see it in person. Who knows, maybe once I’m certified I will want to participate in more PNW dives. It’ll be summer before we know it.

The act of doing something so far outside my comfort zone reminds me that I’m still alive, still growing, still learning, still meeting new people. I’ll be honest, it’s a whole lot harder than when I was 10 learning how to waterski, but accomplishing something when it’s harder means even more.

[If you get anything extra out of my writing and would like to do so, you can leave a virtual tip in my Venmo “jar.” https://venmo.com/u/Rebecca-Lubbers-1 ]