Apparently I needed extra this week–counseling with my counselor, counseling with my hair styist, counseling with a dear friend over popcorn and tasty hot beverages, and of course the counseling from texts with my sibs, bestie, and dear friends. I am not a rock or an island or whatever metaphor for isolation you prefer. I am unable to do *waves arms* this without help.love.support.
In the darkest moments of my life, it is the connection with and care from others that has sustained me. Someone might ask, what about faith and hope in God? The Divine? I guess I understand the way God moves much like the space between in a murmuration of starlings. The space in between the warmth and love of people and the effects thereof are what make God’s love visible to me.
We’re nearly at the two year marker of Bryan’s passing. It hardly seems possible–that he’s gone, that this much time has passed, that I don’t get to feel his hugs again. Grief and mourning don’t stop. They don’t ever go away. They are baked into every thing. Yes, I move forward. Yes, I live. And I am lifted and supported every step of the way. I’m so grateful for that. And my heart is still broken.
Feryl Files 