Getting Out of My Head

I haven’t written in a while. I suspect that’s because sometimes digging deep into the head and heart spaces leaves me feeling exhausted, raw, exposed. Sure, the writing process helps me sort those things out and there’s absolute value in that. That’s exactly why I’ve been writing this past year. But I live alone and spend a great deal of my non-working time in solitude. I’m in my head a lot already. A. LOT.

I’m glad I can look inward, feel ALL the feelings, process and analyze. Growth and self-awareness are great. But the downside can be worry, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, a piercing internal critic. I’m really tired of that downside list. Now, more than I have in a long time, I’m interested in reconnecting with movement–getting outside of my head and back into my body. Bryan was excellent at finding that balance with the nature of his work, his inquisitive mind, and his robust physical activity in skiing, cycling, sailing, running, and lifting. I am trying to model that page of the playbook a little better but with the activities that make the most sense for me.

I’ve mentioned morning dance parties and going to my first rave in recent posts. There’s been more of that. There will be more of that. I’m going dancing again tonight. I am taking an adult hip-hop class next Wednesday. The hikes at Mill Creek and Bennington continue. Last Sunday I cleaned out my stream, lugging buckets of weeds and mud up and out. The back garden is nearly planted with a few bits and bobs to complete and the front should be finished by tomorrow evening. There are more plans in the works to help me get out of my head quite so much and find that balance of getting into my body more. The idea is to lay the framework so that once winter hits, I will have a schedule and a plan that will keep the balance in tact.

What does this mean for my writing? Not sure. There are so many nascent, tender things that I’m not eager to make public or share. Tendrils of hope and life and a reminder that it’s okay to be Becci. I’m just trying to figure it out, but in the meantime, I’m going to move it, move it. 🙂