Solstice

I am not a pagan on purpose. I am a person who lives in a place with all four seasons, whose body is marked by lunar cycles, who feels as connected to the earth as someone who digs and sows and harvests can, who feels the emotional weight of changing light.

Shortest day. Longest night. The light returns.

It is so easy to believe that it will only ever be this moody gray during the day. The night darkness will go on and on forever. Grief is like this. Permanent heartache. Permanent gray. The sorrow draws on and on like these dark days. But our experience and science tell us the light will come back. Every year, so far, it has.

I’m banking on this theory of seasons and light. I’m going all in on hope. I’m throwing my lot in with each new season, experience, and opportunity. I’m also giving myself one helluva pep talk to convince myself.

Fake it ’til you make it. Don’t think, just go. Emotions follow action. I can hear Bryan say all of these. Maybe not everything is done with panache and grace. Sometimes it’s just gritting one’s teeth and powering through.

If you’re experiencing grief and heartache in some manner and you feel like you’re just powering through, know that someone out there gets it. And spring will come again…

…in 89 days.

[Virtual tip jar: https://venmo.com/u/Rebecca-Lubbers-1]