Hacking My Brain

Most of my day is spent trying to out-maneuver myself. Grief, depression, anxiety, lethargy would take their turns destroying me, grinding me into Becci dust. My biggest rival, my most daunting enemy, my biggest challenge is me. So how does hacking my brain work?

First, I decided what definition of perfection I would tolerate in my life. Without flaw or error? Nope. Not going to be part of my day-to-day. Perfection as complete, okay, we can talk. My bonus mom and I had a chat via text the other day. We talked about “progress over perfection.” There’s a reason why she quotes What About Bob. “Baby steps, Bob.” My big brother has two sayings that also help me hack my brain. 1. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time; and 2. “Too easy.”

Second, I put things on my calendar that I force myself to do. Do I want to? No. I want to stay wrapped up in flannel sheets in jammies surrounded by cats. Cat-lady tropes? BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME! But it’s not a life of connection with other humans. Events, parties, dinners, concerts–on the calendar. Do it anyway. 72-76% of the time, I’m really glad I did. That’s a solid passing grade.

Third, I engage in activities that mute/side-step/defy the internal critic–flowers and vegetables growing in the backyard, walks in nature, creating art, baking, writing, joy-nugget hunting.

Fourth, I do housework like I’m playing a video-game. I do not have the will or energy to scrub my house top to bottom once a week or month. I don’t have it in me. So I do the “just five things” strategy. Bec, just put five things away. Sometimes I stop at five and sometimes the momentum gives me energy to push through. But I can at least do five things. If I’m moving from one room to another, I check to see if I can bring something with me to put away or organize really quickly. [Side note: I had the SHITTIEST waitressing job out of college and I learned very quickly that fewer trips were better for my feet. So make each trip count.]

Fifth, music sets the tone. If I need to be energized, I play the upbeat, fast-paced music. If I need to calm down and relax, I play something soothing. And if I need to scrub floors, I play some Norwegian death metal. Just kidding.

Sixth, a shower or a bath. Warm running water is a reset.

Seventh, sometimes none of these work at all. So I rest. And extend grace. And recognize tomorrow will probably be different. Hopefully.