Family

I love my family very much and I’m very thankful for them. Bryan used to lament that he couldn’t ask his mom and dad questions any more or tell them about some new idea or thought that occurred to him. I get that very much. I reach for my phone to text Todd all the time. I want to tell my mom how proud I am of the teenager girl she was. How her choices, really painful choices, meant a better life for her kids and I see that played out every day. I want to tell her that choosing to live instead of folding into nothingness when her heart broke over and over again is my model. I want to tell my Daddy that even to the end he was my teacher. That it’s never too late to say I’m sorry and never too late to forgive. I wish I could show Bryan what I’ve been doing to piece a life together, tell him how amazing our girl is (even though he already knew.)

I also love and appreciate that I get to see pieces of those who have gone before us in those still left. I get to see a little of Mom, Dad, and Todd in my sister, Emilie, and my brother, Craig. And I get to see Bryan in Mary. That is pretty incredible and such a gift.

I also appreciate my family of choice, my wonderful, dear, treasured friends. And for the families who have adopted me, thank you for loving and including me.

Family is complicated. It can be beautiful, painful, easy-like-Sunday-morning, and tough as heck. Regardless, I am lucky to have the family I do and I know it.

[Virtual tip jar: https://venmo.com/u/Rebecca-Lubbers-1]