For a lot of years, friends of mine have done this gratitude challenge (https://positivelypresent.com/2023/10/the-13th-annual-gratitude-challenge.html). I’ve often admired their thoughtful words, their diligence in sticking to something for thirty days straight–WHAT DISCIPLINE! And I whole-heartedly support the notion of practicing gratitude as a way to shift thinking. Bryan was a walking example of how lovely gratitude is. How can I do any less? So here goes. Let’s see if yours truly can stick to something for 30 days straight…
Self-care has become an increasingly weighted term. For some it’s a glass of red wine and a bath. For others it’s exercise and good nutrition. And yet for others it’s “fine leather goods.” All joking aside, I know that sometimes mere survival makes “self-care” seem like a luxury of only the privileged. But I think the definition maybe needs a little refinement and nuance. I once had a grad school professor say “do at least one thing every day that helps your future self.” I think that is a crucial, defining component of self-care.
Self-care looks very different to me every day and in every season. When Bryan was really sick, sometimes self-care was holding an icepack right at my sternum to help calm my vagus nerve. Sometimes it was stocking the chocolate drawer in the kitchen because I had no appetite for real food and a hit of sugar tapped my dopamine center when I was so incredibly low. Long-term, not very great self-care, short-term I’m really thankful I had it. Brushing my teeth is self-care. (Yes, Jody, so is flossing and I even do that on occasion.) Doing laundry is self-care. Grocery shopping is self-care. This past summer, walks at Bennington and Mill Creek have been essential elements of self-care.
Places I’d like to be more diligent in self-care is muting my internal critic, cooking healthy meals for one (IT IS SO HARD), taking care of looming tasks so I can get that sense of relief. I think those are all self-care too.
I’ll be honest, I like a hot bath and a romance novel and yes, maybe a glass of wine (white or rose more often than red becaue the ensuing headache is NOT self-care). I’m pretty basic (read that as you will) and that’s okay.
Most of all, I think extending grace to one’s own humanity, foibles, and failings is the kindest, gentlest form of self-care. And I’m thankful for all of it.
Feryl Files 
Self care as doing one thing for my future self. Well THAT is rude and uncalled for. I shall have to consider what to do about it. Because I know that Future Dana is already mad at this version.
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