Figuring Things Out

A friend of mine from grad school had an epiphany after 9/11. Knowing that security is not guaranteed and life is uncertain and short, he decided to pursue his dream as a musician. For the last couple of decades, he has been a hammer dulcimer player at Renaissance faires and festivals, an international busker, and a successful recording artist. He uses his history degree in researching music, educating festival goers, and navigating archives in cities around the world. In short, he chooses to live and create deliberately. He’s a tremendous role model for me and I encourage folks to check out his music and travel dates here: http://www.vinceconaway.com/

Because of Bryan’s forethought, I’ve been given time to figure things out. I fully realize, acknowledge, and am so grateful for the gift of that time. I know it is a privilege that not everyone is afforded (although they should be). I know of a certainty that art and creativity will always be the core of my living deliberately. Will this provide me with an income I can live on separate from an office job? That remains to be seen. I do know this, my life isn’t work. My life is the time spent with people I love, creating, imagining, digging in the dirt, cooking, sharing, laughing. I’ve seen firsthand what it looks like when a person’s entire identity is tied up in their profession. When retirement comes, it’s devastating. I reject that kind of life. In social gatherings, I try to ask less “what do you do for a living?” and ask more “what do you do for fun? for joy? to live deliberately?”

The question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” is a question I still ask myself. And I think it’s a problematic question. I want to have great stories and experiences, not a career trajectory. I didn’t have things all figured out at 18, 25, 30, or now, but I have a whole lot more grace for the notion that the plans and the knowing are far less interesting or helpful than the being and experiencing.

And these are all great, but at the end of the day, I still have to pay the vet bills and the house payment and health insurance. So how does it all stack up? That I don’t have figured out completely, but I’m on the right path.