Today was a beautiful sunny day and I got to go on a walk with a friend and out to dinner with my step-daughter. I also wrote my husband’s obituary. And folded clothes. And talked to a friend on the other side of the country. And texted funny memes. And cried on the couch while wrapped in a big down comforter covered in flannel.
Mary spent the evening with me going over the obituary and other details that we needed to work on. “We can do hard things” and “too easy” were repeated a number of times. We can do and have done hard things, but it would be nice not to have to for just a bit. After the heavy tasks, we set to watching a fun competition on Netflix about make-up artists. Distracting, diverting.
Tomorrow we wake up again to this much quieter world, one without Bryan’s rich baritone filling a room. He really could, you know, fill a space with his presence and his voice. For some it was intimidating, others exasperating, but for me it was just the place I wanted to be. I never felt smaller with his big personality and presence; I felt loved and safe and heard. I wish everyone could feel that kind of immense love.
Feryl Files 
Every time you post a photo I send a little virtual hug your way (possibly should have been telling you about the hugs so you could be on the lookout). Such big grief needs all the hugs it can get. I haven’t walked this exact road, but I’m holding you close. Much love from the other coast.
P.S. You are an amazing writer. I’ve added you to my blog roll so keep it up!
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Well, thanks for making my teary at work! What a beautiful, beautiful testament to Bryan’s Big Personality — that it never diminished you. I know the time was much too short, but you were both lucky to have had this union of souls.
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